The Happiness Myths That Make Us Miserable

The “pursuit of happiness” is pervasive. It’s even written into the U.S. Declaration of Independence, and it underlies much of our thinking about how to live.

Many of us are relentless pursuers of happiness. But pursuing it turns out to be counterproductive. Pursuing it won’t bring us the happiness we seek. And it’s not really something we find.

“Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness: on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming at something else, they find happiness by the way.” -John Stuart Mill

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

JOY comes in the Morning

“Society teaches us that having more will make you happy and that having more is the measure of success. Having more increases your level of stress because of the amount of energy it takes to maintain things. A lot of times when people get more things, the more they are unhappy.” -Dee Doanes, author and small business owner.

Does having things fill us up? Is accumulation and display of things likely to give us a sense of deep satisfaction and fulfillment that endures?

These are myths fabricated by certain types of advertisers looking to cash in on our vanity and insecurity.

The reality is that connecting with people—with deep, lasting relationships and a sense of belonging—is a much more powerful contributor to happiness and life satisfaction.

Myth: Happiness comes from changing our circumstances.

Happiness doesn’t come from external events or circumstances, at least in ways that endure. It’s an inside job.

“Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us…. Happiness, more than anything, is a state of mind, a way of perceiving and approaching ourselves and the world….” -Sonja Lyubomirsky, researcher and professor

Why don’t we derive enduring happiness from positive circumstances? A big reason is a well-documented phenomenon called “hedonic adaptation,” in which we become rapidly accustomed to changes in our circumstances and then settle into that new baseline as if nothing had occurred. https://greggvanourek.com/the-most-common-myths-about-happiness/

“If you cannot be happy right now, in the present, no matter what your circumstances, then you will never be happy ‘one day.’” -Dannie De Novo, author

"Achieving your goals will make you happy."

"People always think that once they achieve their goals, they will be happy," says life coach Stacy Caprio. "They see happiness as a final result once they pay off their debt, graduate school, get that promotion, or find a husband."

But, according to Caprio, accomplishing these goals will only provide short-term happiness that's likely to fade in the face of your next obstacle.

For that reason, she urges clients to base their happiness on something other than a long- or short-term goal. "Enjoying the process is where true happiness can be found," she explains. https://bestlifeonline.com/happiness-myths/

"The Goal of Meditation is to Empty the Mind of Thoughts"

When faced with a busy mind, it’s common to think we’re meditating wrong. We envision advanced meditators as having the ability to turn off their thoughts or empty the mind at will. But even the world’s most practiced meditators still have thoughts. It’s how they relate to those thoughts that are different.

Meditation teaches us we are not our thoughts by creating distance between ‘me’ and ‘my thoughts.’ No longer consumed by thoughts, we realize we have agency over how we react to them. Thoughts will always arise, but when we’re unattached to them, they lose their seductive power and dissipate more quickly.

We might fear that if we meditate we’ll lose our personality, our opinions, or even our desire to act in the world. On the other hand, some of us approach meditation hoping to never again experience a negative emotion. But just as we don’t stop thinking, healthy humans don’t stop emoting.

Instead, meditation increases our ability to remain present and engaged with the full range of human emotions. When we act in the world as someone in touch with (versus controlled by) emotion, we find ourselves acting with greater clarity and ease.

"We Achieve Happiness by Eliminating Negative Feelings"

Society tells us that we should seek to get rid of our mental suffering and replace it with #positive feelings. This is the theme in some advertisements with a before-and-after structure. The world around a person using an inferior product is dark and gloomy. It’s only after buying the product advertised that the world becomes bright and positive. The implicit message is that you should do everything in your power to transform your dull, unhappy life into a happy one (in this case, buy a product). (Shortform note: This advertising approach is a strategy in emotional marketing, which uses color, storytelling, ideal images, and associations to trigger consumers’ emotions that motivate them to act in certain ways. Research shows that a consumer’s #emotional response to an ad is two to three times more influential than the ad’s content in swaying their decision to buy the product.)

However, if we consider the problem more deeply, it becomes clear that even experiences that we regard as positive carry with them a negative counterpart.

For instance, many people consider having a child to be one of the highest forms of #happiness. But having a child is a positive experience that has many potentially negative feelings associated with it, such as the stress of sleepless nights when your child is an infant, the fear that your child won’t be accepted by her peers, and anger when your child is a disobedient teenager. The positive experience can’t exist without its negative counterparts.

Therefore, we cannot achieve our deepest happiness without also experiencing potentially negative feelings.

Having things will make me happy:

Many people believe that #happiness comes from somewhere outside of themselves. However, much of our #happiness comes from the #inside and how we respond to the world around us —not the things we have. Happiness truly comes from the inside. It comes from knowing there is a power higher than ourselves that governs. I am thankful it is not my job. Happiness is not a #myth but many of the reasons for finding it may be happiness comes from the joy inside; knowing and trusting all will be well.